Occassionally, when I have nothing better to do (and really, that just means Im too lazy to be folding the laundry I should be folding, instead putting it off until just before PC gets home) I will look at property there. And I think it serves two and only two purposes 1) too see just how unaffordable everything is and 2) to upset me, make my heart sink and make me question the path we’ve chosen.

I love my life, I do. I think I find happiness and fulfillment and joy and grace and humility and gratitude in just about every day. But sometimes I wonder- if we moved back there- would I find even more of that? I was talking to my sister-in-law about this and her take is that ‘you can never go home again.’ That the things we loved would just be different now- we’re in a different stage of life (kids) and things would just be different. But maybe thats the point. After all, we’re different. We’re not the same people that left in 2004. We’re better people. We’re more humbled, generous, simple. We’re more experienced? traveled? Im not sure what the right word is there, but I sometimes wonder if we had to go to the far reaches of the Earth just to find out that we are supposed to end up exactly where we started from.

I had emailed one of my close friends about my property searching telling her that it was totally irrational, what I was doing, “isn’t it, iSN’T IT?” That I just need to keep reminding myself to stay the course. Just fourteen more years and we’ll have the freedom to do whatever we want. We’ll be 45 years old and won’t have to work anymore….we’ll have health insurance and a paycheck for life. Its a deal you can’t beat. My friend told me there is nothing “JUST” about 14 more years. And she’s right. This chapter of our lives (kids, family) will be closing. Nathan will be 19 and Mackenzie 16- we’ll almost be empty nesters. And really- who knows what life may throw at us before we reach that day 14 years from now. Its sort of do-or-die in that regard. There aren’t any second chances. There are no do-overs. I think that is the thing I wrestle with the most- you only get one chance to live this day. I love what we’re doing at the moment. I love where PC is at at the moment and  I love having my own parking spot (I don’t think I mentioned that on the blog did I? Well, I do. I may not have an ice maker in my freezer but I do have my own parking spot at PC’s office.)  I love the places we’ve gotten to go and all the things we’ve been able to see. Life is great (and to be clear- I have no regrets, and I think joining the Marine Corps was the best decision we’ve ever made) but I do wonder; maybe we’re missing something and don’t even know it? I guess that’s the  great quandary of life isn’t it?

Im sure a lot of this is stemming from the fact that its just time to get off this rock. We’ve been here for an awfully long time and right now, any place that isn’t sandy and tropical seems far more like ‘home’ than here….

This will always be home....

...no matter how far away we are.

Tomorrow is Nathan’s last day of school and then its me up against the two of them for the rest of the summer. Oh how I wish we were spending the summer back in the States, bouncing between people we love. When I worked at the bank I had a Russian friend Katya who told me her parents would send her to her grandparents every summer growing up. She then proceeded to send her daughter back to Russia every summer in the same manner. I thought she was crazy…..crazy Russian (she’d also swap shoes with me at work and one day just gave me her cute Banana Republic sandals. Incidentally I wore said sandals to Ashley’s shower last weekend so that swap worked out well for me, but, I digress). Who “summers” like that? Evidently, I’d like to.  The summer of 2007 and 2009 were spent sort of galavanting in the states, mostly in Iowa and the farther I get from Iowa and the longer Im away, the more I HEART it there. Such a great place for kids and there is something sort of peaceful and simple about the rolling hills and rows of corn as far as the eye can see. And of course there is Colorado. And Colorado is really “home” for us and if I HEART Iowa then I double HEART Colorado. Its hard for me to talk about and I try not to think about it too much because there will always be a Colorado shaped hole in my heart.

But, there will be no “summering” anywhere this summer except on this little island. So, today I need to finish unpacking and get back on top of things. Vacation is over. I need to make dr. appts and dentist appts and bake cookies for Nathan’s school for tomorrow and go into work and finish up some projects I left half done for the gift shop. I need to download the pictures off my camera and tell you all about my week with Ashley! (or Ashaley as Nathan calls her) and my brother! I need to post my blog about packing! I need to tell you about how I got to go on my brother’s submarine and how you’ll have a whole new appreciation for the military members that do that! Wheew. Yes, vacation is definitely over, but its good to be home. So, are you “summering” anywhere or what do your summer plans include?

I mean its the soybeans, its the oil spill, its the bottled water documentary, its this other documentary I came across (c’mon JAPAN- WTH?) that today, I just, gah, I just loose so much faith in humanity. The question that is resonating with me right now, is what are we doing right? ARE WE DOING ANYTHING RIGHT? Is anyone making positive improvements? Is there a documentary out there about that? Or are we still, just greedy self serving people? I am critical of myself always wondering what more can *I* be doing? Where else can I make cuts/improvements? But whatever this one family does, its not offsetting all the [negative] things others are doing. Tell me something good. Please. Or else I might need to find a different planet to live on.

I know none of us are perfect, I mean, I still get plastic bags some of the time *on purpose* because where am I supposed to put the poop [diaper]? (and don’t think I don’t beat myself up about how that precious package is going to be around for like another 1000 years) but if any of you are in some sort of denial about all that is going on with our precious planet, our food supply, our water, our fish, our air, the polar bears, the honeybees, global warming, or the great pacific garbage patch please, please (puh-leze) wake up.

I love all the preparation. I LOVE cooking over a fire (I tell ya- I would have made a great pioneer wife). I love that doing dishes in a bucket of warm soapy water, water you had to cook to get it warm, isn’t a chore- its part of the fun. I love all the little gadgets and the stove and camp cooksets we have. It all makes me happy. I love being outside, I love the smell of the air up in the mountains and especially the smell of a campfire. I love the sound of the wind in the trees and the crackling of the fire. I don’t mind the bugs and I don’t mind peeing in the woods. I love that all our gear is such a melting pot of PC and I. His sleeping bags that he’s had since his boy scout days (whatever, they are nice Marmot bags even if they are 20+yrs old), a compass and a fry pan and waterproof match container that he’s had from back in the day. A potholder I have had since college, a wash bucket for dishes that has Gamma Phi Beta written all over it in purple and silver glittery pens. A set of measuring cups my mom had bought to replace some that my roommate Sarah and I had melted in an apartment we sublet one summer (edited to note: they did not pass inspection after spending the last 5 years in storage. Too nasty, had to go.) My sierra cup from camp in 5th grade, my name engraved on the bottom in a 10yr old’s handwriting. There’s a lot of sentimental value in all that stuff.

I realize that, having never done this before, especially with a crawler it could be a bust. I know some people will think Im crazy but this article I came across so perfectly sums up my feelings on the camping with kids. If we don’t succeed this time, we’ll try try again. Mind you, we aren’t exactly going to be roughing it. We are camping on the beach, literally, (though there is some grass so the sand should be mitigated somewhat). We’re taking our cul-de-sac of neighbors/friends with us. We’ve rented a bouncy house. Some neighbors who aren’t sure they are campers have considered sleeping in said bouncy house. There are showers and toilets. And we’re only about 15 minutes from home if things really go downhill. We’ve bought wood to be delivered so there is no cutting down trees and chopping wood. Admittedly, I think collecting firewood is kind of fun. We’ve bought dozens of glow sticks for the kids, Im going to come up with some kind of scavenger hunt type game and I know there will be plenty of good food. I’ll miss the smell of the mountain air and the sound of the wind in the trees, but the tradeoff will be getting to listen to the ocean all night, and sand, there’ll be sand. Oh will there be sand. Don’t worry, I have a camp sized broom.

I’m still trying to figure out our sleeping arrangements. Im not sure if our best bet is a KING sized blow up bed or use our existing queen size bed with kids on the ground next to us. Whatever happens- it’s going to be an adventure (and chances are good we’ll all start out on the queen bed and PC and I will be on the hard ground by morning). We’ve had to upgrade (downgrade?) from our cute little two person North Face tent to the L.L. BEAN KING PINE DOME TENT. Does it not sound massive? Its even got a “screened in porch.” (sorta).

I had to look back at our pictures to see when the last time we went camping was, and my heart is heavy thinking about our camp hound that won’t be there. I hate that I miss that damn creature so much. We miss you Sandy, and for whatever its worth there’s still dog hair in all our camping stuff  so we’ll never really be camping without you.

This face could scare a bear away, right?

I made her do it.

lets all point out how young the 2nd LT looks. he he

That dog would swim until she was practically drowning. She loved the water.

And forgive me in advance- I haven’t had time to proofread this. Children can’t be ignored any longer.

Lets start back at the very beginning because since we had this talk the last time (on the old blog) we’ve had some new friends join us. As mentioned the other day PC and I both went to school in Colorado, once we finished school he was working as an engineer and I was working for Wells Fargo. Sept 11 happened, PC got laid off. He found another job later that fall that paid well but it was a small (read: volatile) company. He started bringing up the idea of the Marine Corps which I was initially strongly against. We bought a house. I loved my job but we knew that kids were on the horizon. He was worried about being the sole provider given his company/industry at the time. He continued to bring up the Marine Corps, I saw it as a win-win (I would be able to stay home with the kids and not work). I had a really really hard time with leaving Colorado and our friends there. And, to a small extent my job (I think I maybe/possibly would have tried to continue working- even with kids really really part time or as a temp if someone was sick/on vacation etc.) Because of this we agreed to keep our house there and that way, after his initial commitment of 3 years if one or both of us wanted to get out we could hang up our hats and we’d still have our house to move back to. PC was commissioned in August of ‘04.

We lived in Virginia for about a year and a half and then moved to Japan in Dec. ‘05. We’ve been here ever since. Our initial commitment to the Marine Corps ended last year. We opted to stay longer for many reasons I wont get into, but at the time it was the right decision. Because we are doing back to back tours overseas the military pays for a trip home (hence, the travels this summer- thanks taxpayers!) We are scheduled to move in Dec of 2011.

After deciding to stay here for another 3 years and after all we’ve been through in the last 5 years I had just sort of resigned myself to the full 20. For those of you not well versed in military you can retire after 20 years, retirement pay begins right away and you have full medical benefits for life. Its really a pretty sweet deal in that regard. PC and I would be 45 and, probably, if we are smart with our money, wouldn’t have to work again. Though, Im sure PC would work, just because he might go bonkers without something to do. We just passed the 5 year mark, we’ve got 15 to go. And, its easy to say this right now, when things are going good, (those of you who have been around for awhile know that there have been extended periods of time where things have NOT been good) but I was really ok with this just being our life. It took me a long time to get to that point. And again – this is easy to say when things are going along swimmingly.

But every time we go back to Colorado….usually its just hard for me. Last time we went home (summer of ‘07) there was the inkling that we would get out and move home. And then we didn’t. But this time, I knew it wasn’t in the cards so, while I was sad, it just….it just is what it is. However, this time, without ANY comments, without ANY prompting it was my husband that was reconsidering. He met up with one of his good friends that continues to offer him a job….and everytime the pot gets a little sweeter and, I mean this in the nicest possible way but I think he’s one step away from begging PC to come work for him. And the really swell part is that the day PC was having lunch with him he had said he would be back at 2pm and then Vivian and I could go do something, the two of us. So at 4:40 when I hadn’t heard from him I was getting a little PEEVED. It doesn’t help any that Vivian and I feed off each other because sometimes our husbands can be birds of a feather in this regard. So, I called him and was like “Where are you? you haven’t even left yet? Leave now.” It seems I cut them off in the middle of their “if you come and work for me this is what I can offer you” conversation. So…yeah. Not great timing.

I was even slightly more irritated that he was late because he was having this job-offer conversation which at the time I thought was completely irrelevant. “Oh what– so you are getting out of the Marine Corps now?” NOT AFTER WE SPENT A YEAR FIGHTING ABOUT IT. Don’t even tell me that. So we’re at Vivian’s house and Im crying and we’re wrangling kids and Im thinking holy shit….what just happened here? Wait…you can’t be serious? Because I finally just got to a point where I was good with what we were doing and I was on board for the 20 and Semper Fi, yada yada. And now you’re reconsidering. Sob.

So, that brings us to the present. And let me tell you, I’ve been running every morning these last few days (oh yeah- did I mentioned I gained 5 damn pounds this summer? Worth it I think.) We’ve been waking in the 5am hour (AND KIKI IS SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT CAN I GET AN AMEN?) so I go run before PC goes to work. Every morning this is what weighs on my mind. Do we stay in? Do we get out? How do you decide? Because the path’s are so vastly different. And the thing I keep telling myself, the thing that is so hard is that there are no do-overs in life. Its not like 15 years from now, once we’ve done the Marine Corps thing and we’re retired and our kids are gone that I can be like “yeah…..I wish we could have raised our kids in Colorado. I wish we would have gone camping and hiking and they could see their grandparents at the holidays and they’d be rooted in one place.” (note: did anyone else just feel that earthquake here?) I don’t want to live with regrets.

The real problem is that one option is not far superior to the other. In fact, I’d even say they are equal. But we have to pick one. And Im having trouble weighing the pros and cons. So how does one decide? I also try and look at what the future will be and yeah…. like I think about schools and how in the Marine Corps these are the places you can be stationed: Okinawa, Iwakuni (Japan), Hawaii, Southern California, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina. Thats pretty much it. The [public] schools in Hawaii are atrocious. California- same. North Carolina- not much better. South Carolina- not sure on that one. Virginia- excellent. Overseas–DODDS schools are very good. So, the writing on the wall is that our kids will probably have to go to private school at least in some of the places we live. And while as a Captain PC makes good money, its not enough to afford $10,000 tuition for a private school. I also, especially after this summer seeing everyone’s beautiful houses and driving past our old house and coming back to the freaking shoebox we call a house have been in a pissy mood about living in 1100 sq feet of space. Yep, its probably matieralistic. Yep- I know that some people live in a cardboard box but friends, I have HAD IT with the cement bungalow. HAD IT. 4 people in this house with ZERO storage space is not working. Our friends were talking about how much they enjoy riding bikes as a family. We wouldn’t know because if we want to EXTRICATE our bicycles from the closet we call a storage area they won’t easily go back in. And a trailer for the kids? Forget it. Unless we want to store that under our kitchen table. Nathan desperately needs a new bike because he’s outgrown his. Where will we store that? His current little bike is just in the kitchen, in front of the washer. No- theres no “nook” or anything. Its exactly as I described it. In the middle of the floor, right in the way of traffic. But there is no other option– if we keep it outside it will either get stolen (like our neighbors who had their jogging stroller stolen right off their porch) or, more likely, is it will be entirely rusted in about 3 weeks. I have at least 4 laundry baskets full of stuff to get rid of. And right now the two baby carseats and a stroller and bouncy seat are clogging up kiki’s room waiting for the flea market but its just….I dont know, even with getting rid of a massive amount of stuff, I just feel like the walls are closing in on us. My point with this long drawn out saga is that I have to accept the fact that we’ll never have a big beautiful house like we used to. In the states yes, we could rent something bigger. True. But you can’t do much to a rental to “make it yours.” The whole espresso machine with a line into the plumbing. Im guessing that wouldn’t happen in a rental. Neither would a complete kitchen upgrade! But we can’t buy anything because lord knows doing the rental thing? That can kind of suck. And if you do the rental thing on an expensive house– when you are the one stuck covering the mortgage payment if you can’t sell it. That kind of sucks too. (note: I swear its not just the jets…..the little brass handles on the furniture are shaking again. Mini-earthquakes?)

Here are probably the two things that make me cling to the Marine Corps: 1)free healthcare 2) pride. If we do get out I told PC he should stay in the reserves. 15 years of reserve time and its still a good retirement. The pride? Im not sure you can get the same thing anywhere else. Being in the military, or more correctly, being a military family is one of the things Im most proud of. While I know I am not the one who wears the uniform, I think every military spouse would agree with me that its most definitely a joint effort and we contribute a lot too. Weather it be making dinner for the Marines in the barracks, hosting extra people at the holidays, or being a single parent for weeks or months on end, and running a household entirely on your own, we bear the burden too. Trust me when I say I don’t always do it with a lot of (any?) grace, but I’ve at least proven that I can hack it.

We’ve met some unbelievable people. We live next to people that wake up and fly $30 million dollar jets for a living. We have friends that are in the sandbox fighting the fight right now. We’ve lost one close friend already. We have another friend that was in the infantry and has actually killed people (bad guys of course). Im not sure entirely how I feel about that- but still. Its not like we are surrounded by anything mundane I guess is what Im saying. And I get that there are LOTs of great people in this world, but I wonder- will I regret not being surrounded by these people? These people that so selflessly put their lives on the line. These families that are so quick to lend a hand when you need it most.

Most of all will I miss the person that its made me (or forced me at times)? I’ve been shoved out of my comfort zone and let me tell you that this girl from Iowa never thought she’d be living on a little island in Japan, married to a Marine. Its humbled me, its made me appreciate what I have. Its been eye opening visiting some of the places I’ve gotten to go- places I would not have seen otherwise. Its made me care a lot less about keeping up with the Jones’. Its made me a better person. Its also made me bat-shit crazy at times (see also: 1100 square feet of living space).

We have some time to figure things out— I’m not sure if we have to ride out the rest of our 3 years here or if we could leave sooner than that. Technically the only thing the Marine Corps has “given” us that would obligate us is our trip home this summer which we technically haven’t been paid for yet (we paid for it and once PC turns in the paperwork will be reimbursed for it). There has also been a pilot program where you can take a leave of absence from the military for up to 3 years. But I think its only in its pilot stages and it could be awhile before it materializes, if it ever does.

Like I mentioned before, there is no clear winner in this case. I will be sad if we leave the Marine Corps, just like Im sad everytime we go back to Colorado. Vivian told me her Dad tells her (and I think my dad has said the same thing) nothing is ever 100% right or 100% wrong. Its just hard because I could go either way. There are things about both lifestyles that would make me exceedingly happy, and there are things that I would dislike about both.

When we drove into Rock Creek where our old house was we had to get gas at Safeway. Thats the Safeway my brother worked at when he lived with me the summer PC was at OCS. It was a really fun summer. And off to the right was where we had our first apartment. And there was the lake we would take Sandy for walks by. And also our first apartment there on the right? It was bigger than our current house. AND it had a two car garage. And as we drove up the road I just started sobbing. And PC was rubbing my leg trying to console me and part of me is thinking, its just memories. You are just remembering all these good times and its making you sad. But the other part of me is thinking- if you’re so freaking UPSET about not being here, maybe you should figure things the hell out and DO something about it. When we were with Vivian and she and I were leisurely flipping through magazines while our kids played I just kept thinking about how, maybe in some other life, this could be reality. Spending time with one of my  best friends, just like it was any other normal day, watching our kids play, discussing great recipes. In my mind, there isn’t much that can top that. Maybe if she had an espresso machine plumbed into the water line. But that would be the top.

It might also be worth mentioning that its Colorado or bust. If given the choice between the Marine Corps and somewheretown, USA? I’d take the Marine Corps. Colorado is the only place that I want to be, and if we can’t be there, then we should stick with the MC. So, Im so confused. Before, when PC and I were going around and around it was because I was unhappy with the Marine Corps. I didn’t want to be here “one second longer” I once told him. And now, Im at peace with it. Its fine. But there is also this other really really really great option that continues to present itself. I do believe in signs and  I do think there is a higher power up there working and I just wonder what to make of that….and the fact that PC’s job (the one he just started 2 months ago) has now been ripped out from under him (through no fault of his own- the military continues to make more jobs civilian/GS jobs which is what happened to his)….maybe its a sign.

So, tell me your thoughts. I know there are quite a few of you who are/were military. Im going to be sad if I don’t see lots of comments because if YOU can’t solve my problems, who can?

Back to the summer. After leaving my parents house we went out to Virginia. This wasn’t part of our original itinerary but Im so glad it worked out this way. PC had a 2 week conference in Quantico which to me meant: Ikea, more Target and Kohls, and seeing some of our great friends from Japan. I was a bit daunted by the fact that I was going to have to do this (albeit small) portion of the trip by myself. There was a plane change in Chicago afterall. I was thinking in a knee-jerk reaction to buy that double Maclaren. I love my Maclaren stroller- maybe the double would be twice the fun. But then you told me not to spend the money. But I was still a little worried because at this point we’d already flown through umpteen airports and I knew- *knew* what happened with Nathan when he had to walk long distances. There was whining and not listening and wandering off and getting in other people’s way and why couldn’t he ride in the stroller and what if we had to run to the next plane etc. So, my mom took me to the consignment store and we are now proud owners of our fifth (yes FIFTH) stroller, aptly referred to as ‘The Rig’. This thing is huge. It took up our entire trunk. I hate that it is the size of a small car but this thing has saved my life. The kids actually really like riding in it, and despite the fact that when I bought it (for $60) I figured I’d get home and sell it– potentially at a profit, but now Im not so sure I want to get rid of it (see also: purging my house of excess).

The first several days were spent in frustrating attempts to shop with both kids. Its funny to me how here, really the only place we go is the BX. And when I go to the BX sometimes its just to get out of the house and tool around, but most of the time its to go in and get something and leave. So, imagine my frustration when, with both kids, they were not so keen on the idea of mommy browsing the clearance racks (even though I did score a very cute skirt for $8.90 down from $54). I was bribing them with the moon and yeah. Mackenzie is past the point where she will cooperate and take a nap in her stroller, Nathan gets bored quickly so we had to keep our trips short which in the long run was probably better for my wallet.

On Wed. night after work we drove down to Langley where our good friends from Japan are now stationed. Jeff and Stephanie used to share a wall with us in the cement bungalow (4-plex) and while we got to see Jeff when he was deployed here earlier this spring, I haven’t seen Stephanie or the kids since they left 2 years ago. When they lived here we would have impromptu dinners together, drinks on the front steps, breakfasts at coffee casa. We got to enjoy each other’s company. We had to corral the 2 and under crowd with minimal distractions from adult conversation. Yeah. Thats changed. Our current cast of characters includes Nathan-4, Wyatt-3, Mackenzie-10months and Natalie-5 months. Was there nice adult conversation? I don’t know, I couldn’t hear over the commotion. There was running and jumping and bouncing and hollering and constant fighting over ONE toy (an F-22 plane). Our first day involved a trip to a living museum which was cut short by rain. Later we went to Trader Joes! which went about as well as you would expect taking 4 kids and two moms to the grocery store. The trip was highlighted with Nathan barreling through the store with a shopping basket with Stephanie and her two kids in the wine section and him asking, loudly, “I know you want alcohol but why do you need SO MUCH alcohol??” Ah yes, we’re nothing if not a bunch of lushes.

As we were leaving Trader Joes I opened up my box of dark chocolate covered almonds (I think my favorite part of Trader Joe’s is the row of chocolate covered everythings….including Edamame which I did not particularly care for.) After eating a few I felt like my throat was hurting….possibly swelling shut. Then I was thinking about how that would just be fantastic if all of a sudden, in the car ride home I developed some sort of nut allergy. It continued but since I was still able to breathe and swallow I thought I’d be ok. Then I had a bit of a headache but just figured I was tired. That night once Jeff got home and he heard about our day he bathed 3 out of the 4 children, sent the two boys downstairs running around naked for some sort of post-bath performance that never materialized, cleaned up the kitchen and sent Stephanie and I out shopping to one of the fancy/gourmet grocery stores in the neighborhood while he held down the fort.

Stephanie and I picked out some tasty desserts, and I was reminded how much I love the fact that she loves frosting and selected her dessert based on the thickness of the frosting. And then I picked the same one. And it was good. Still feeling fairly craptastic I took some motrin and went to bed. And then in the middle of the night things went downhill and I had a really sore throat, fever, chills, body aches etc. PC was due to arrive in the morning and I was hoping I could survive until then. I had an inkling it was strep (internet….I think I may have to bite the bullet and get those tonsils out) and was dreading whatever process I’d have to go through to get tested.

Let me tell you- I don’t think there is a better test of a friend than if she is willing to rescue you when you are sick. Stephanie volunteered to take the kids while I went back to bed and then took the two boys and Natalie to a bouncy house place to burn off some energy. I felt like hell, felt terrible AND guilty for dumping my kids on my friend who already had two kids to take care of and was just sort of pissed off that this had to happen while I was on vacation. Especially since I’ve been so good about using the “San Hanitizer” (hand sanitizer) as Nathan calls it, this entire trip. But she did it, and it just serves as a good reminder of how lucky I am to have the friends I do. And then to top it off when PC arrived we ended up going to Urgent Care at Langley and again, left Nathan with Stephanie (we did take Mackenzie with us so as to not totally burn her out). Thankfully I got seen really quickly, and even though the quick 5 minute test was negative the dr. was all “lets just treat it.” And I told him we were on vacation and heading back to Japan and what if my husband gets sick and he was all “lets just treat him too.” Sometimes military medicine can be soo good. The longest part of the entire ordeal was the pharmacy, which took an hour, because of the fact that there were TWO prescriptions for Augmentin, one for Lisa, one for Philip, with the same last name. Evidently this was too difficult to comprehend (“wait…..two prescriptions….same last name…..that must mean I should only fill one.”) and it ended up taking us two trips through the line to get squared away. Sometimes military medicine can be soo frustrating.

I went back to bed, woke up briefly for dinner, went back to bed again and before I knew it it was morning and we were headed to the airport. As expected it was hard to say goodbye to such good friends, never knowing when we’ll get together again…lets just hope that the next time there will be less cuing of the circus music and more fun conversation like the old days. Although- the commotion is sort of a fun memory in and of itself– I think I’ll always remember the kids in the back of the minivan playing with the cupholders, screeching like dinosaurs at their respective sisters and Stephanie and I laughing in the front seat. Ah…we miss you guys. I guess I just need to keep in mind that its a different kind of fun.

A drive that should have taking 2.5hrs ended up taking about 4.5 and the kids were melting down in the traffic. This of course was before we had to get on a 3+ plane ride to Denver. We had lunch with my in-laws who deserve some major credit here as they drove over to Va. multiple times to help us with luggage and shuttling things to/from the airport and hotel. And it makes me happy that Nathan now gets so excited to see them. Remember- my kids have only seen their grandparents like 3 or 4 times in their life so after seeing them this summer he has really warmed up to them.

Our flight to Denver was uneventful, there was a bit of an ordeal waiting for the supershuttle and some nasty stares and comments from fellow passengers with regard to the amount of luggage we had. I have no problem being a bit snide and letting them know we are military on orders (albeit IPCOT leave), stationed overseas. That usually puts people back in their place.

Onto Colorado. Im not sure I can write this post right now because its….ugh…what is it? Emotional? Upsetting? Difficult? Lets put it this way, there is a small part of me that doesn’t like making trips back there because its So. Difficult. to go home. I ranged from teary eyed to full on crying multiple times during the trip. For the background here both PC and I went to school at CU-Boulder and stuck around after graduating until we hopped on this Marine Corps train. Colorado will always be home. And its not like “we’re from there” its like my heart BELONGS there. In addition to it being home, some of our very best friends on the entire planet Earth are there. Marc and Vivian are friends from college. They’re our friends that we have history with. People we knew before we even got married. Marc unfortunately was gone (he was in Japan, ironically) so it was Vivian and the kiddos and us. We played at the park with the mountains in the background, we picked wildflowers, we ate at some of our favorite restaurants, Marc’s parents took the kiddos one night for us so we could go out and have ADULT conversation, we ate Glacier ice cream (best ice cream out there: Caramel Oreo- preferrably less melty than ours was), we relaxed on the back patio while the kids played in the pool. While Vivian was at work PC and I drove past our house and as soon as we got in the VICINITY of our neighborhood I was just sobbing. The previous day PC had gotten together with his friend Stephen who keeps offering a job to PC over and over again and PC told me that he didn’t think he’d miss Colorado this much and maybe we should move back and add this to my already highly emotional state and I was just a wreck wondering what we were doing and then asking myself what am I doing and how do you know if you are doing the right thing in life and if Im such a mess every time I come home and so attached to it then maybe we should just GO HOME (that was intentionally a long sentence because thats what my brain feels like– a big long run-on sentence). This is a entirely separate blog where I will seek your advice internet, but currently, I have a lot on my mind. That post will have to wait until we unbury ourselves from the nuclear fallout around here.

Marc and Vivian have two kids- Marielle who is 4 and Harper who just turned 2. Nathan and the kids played marvelously. So well that Vivian and I spent several hours going through cooking magazines and chatting while the kids entertained themselves. And by entertained themselves I mean they got into dress-up clothes. Marielle was a princess and Nathan alternated between a pirate and a bumble bee. The bumble bee was a 12mo size costume. It was his favorite. At one point Nathan and Marielle were in the office (“the ballroom”) and when I went in to check on them I was told to leave because they were getting married. I don’t think Nathan has any idea what marriage is, but he was persuaded to enter into it evidently. Im going to have to attribute the vast difference between Nathan and Wyatt playing and Nathan and Marielle to boys vs. girls. Thank GOD I have one of those….two boys might kill me.

We left Denver at zero dark early and it was another 24+ hours of travel to get home. We were lucky to get upgraded to business class (using miles) and let me tell you- with kids, this is the only way to fly. There is room for them to play on the floor, you dont have to crawl under the seat in front of you to rescue the dropped toy, you can have your shit spread out instead of jammed into the worthless seat back pocket, we had several grandmother flight attendants who fawned all over the kids, truely- that was the easiest 12 hour flight I’ve been on. The flight down to Okinawa sort of sucked because there was some kid (not baby- but kid) that screamed the entire way. And Im a parent and I totally get that sometimes there is nothing you can do. But my sympathy wears thin when 1) your kid is old enough to know better and 2) you, the parent, do NOTHING about it.

So, we’re home. Its good to be home. The house sort of stinks from being closed up for a month. My awesome neighbor and friend picked us up from the airport and when I got home I found she had dug up and weeded my entire flower bed so it looks all nice and pretty again. I’ve got some good people in my life. Its been a good good summer. Now I must go, the fallout shelter is calling.