As we start to doze off Nathan starts audibly thrashing around in his bed. He’s kind of a loud sleeper so sometimes we just have to go roll him over or make sure he’s not rolled up in a blanket. He keeps thrashing and that turns into moaning and about 30 seconds later it turns into all out screaming. PC goes in. He comes back. He tells me Nathan’s ear hurts. I shit you not. We gave him motrin and insisted he just go back to bed. He said his ear hurt too bad. I put my clothes back on and took him to the Emergency Room. Do you know they almost know us by name in there? I mean, the ER used to be a place you’d hope you never have to visit. It doesn’t even phase me anymore that we go there at least monthly. Sometimes weekly, sometimes multiple times a week, heck- a day.

Let me assure you that at midnight the ER was the last place I wanted to be. In the car Nathan told me he needed some Gatorade (gatorade is reserved for sickness around here). I whipped around in the car and told him, “you have no idea how upset I will be if this trip to the hospital is just because you want some gatorade. TELL ME its not.” Turns out it wasn’t (another gold star on the parenting award chart for me) and Nathan had both an inner and outer ear infection. He’s got more antibiotics, ear drops and, a little something special this week- liquid Vicoden: as needed for severe pain. We’re just like a full fledged apothecary over here.

Tonsils, Adenoids, tubes. We’re coming for you. I cannot keep this grueling pace up for much longer.

Tonight I was busy making notes for PC. And let me be clear- PC is a wonderful, wonderful husband and father. I have complete faith that he will do fantastic taking care of the kids, he is and always has been a very hands on dad so this isn’t some foreign mission he’s getting sent on. In fact Im fairly sure Im going to get back and he’s going to say how easy everything was, and why do I think being a stay at home parent is so hard? So, given that – I have to razz him a little.

I present: kitchen notes.

notice I had to double check the spelling of raccoon. Two c’s two o’s. I was right.

The very short version of the story is that PC has to get a PPD (tuberculosis) test every year. This year he tested positive for exposure. Because of the holiday all the clinics we’re closed and he went to the ER once he got the result. And because the ER doctors don’t routinely deal in TB he was admitted to the hospital. We didn’t know whether or not it was active or latent TB so last night was a scary, restless, sleepless night for both of us.

The end result is: its latent TB, he has to be on antibiotics for 9months, he’s not (and never has been) contagious, he got to come home today and I still get to go on my trip. The great irony in all of this is he’s traveled to many countries where TB is endemic– The Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Korea (?) and never had a problem. He got it sometime between last spring and this spring and while we did go to Hong Kong and Singapore, the only places he’s been is back to the states multiple times for work. Sick Americans. How about EVERYONE COVER THEIR MOUTH WHEN THEY COUGH and keep their TB to themselves. This isn’t the 1890’s folks. Enough of the spreading of old world diseases.

Mackenzie had her 18mo check up today. I so looked forward to these checkups with Nathan, excited to see how he was measuring up and learning what to expect for the coming months. Mackenzie, well, she’s a second child. So the novelty isn’t there this time around, furthermore, I’ve spent a disproportionate amount of time at the Kadena clinic lately. Going to appointments for myself (2), appointments for Nathan (more than I can count) and Mackenzie. Picking up various antibiotics, motrin, sinus relief med’s, more antibiotics and then throw on top of all of that our 3 days at the hospital, an ENT dr. appt while at the hospital and two ER visits. Im burned out. So I was really not looking forward to packing everyone up and going back. to. the clinic. for a well-child checkup.

We shlepped ourselves in there where Mackenzie started to melt down in the waiting room, and as soon as we got to the weights/measures room it was full on. They measured her at 34.6″ and Im thinking thats about .6″ off because while thrashing around its hard to be, you know, precise. Her head circumference? Might as well have tried to measure a wild bull, it would have been easier.

I casually mentioned to the dr. that Nathan had been real sick, Mackenzie is sick too (like the rest of us) and her cough is pretty bad so if she could please give an extra listen to those little lungs just to put my mind at ease.

Putting my mind at ease resulted in a chest x-ray. Tell me- have you taken a squirrely 18mo old to be x-rayed? Yeah, they don’t give you any sort of tranq gun or sedative or anything. You are just supposed to
“hold them still.” Well wait, lets back up. Upon arriving in radiology, around 4pm, I hand them my ID and the guy says “so….did you bring someone with you to watch your son?” Uh, no. No I didn’t. No one mentioned that. No one said, make sure you take a nanny or a babysitter or a dog crate or anything to do with the 4yr old. “Yeah….we’re not going to be able to do the x-ray. Its a liability issue. Its order no. 3492.J.I.33.X. Can you call someone and have them come meet you here?” Are you shitting me? Seriously? At 4pm? By the time anyone got here you’d be closed. I asked if Nathan could just sit behind the wall or sit in the waiting room with explicit instructions or ANYTHING? “No…he’d be exposed to radiation, he can’t be back there.” I slugged back to Ped’s passing the pharmacy on the way and seeing someone that I recognized from my old “fighter pilot days.” You know, in the good old days when we used to “run with that crowd.” Had no idea who she was, but I knew I recognized her, and, given my situation was totally willing to look like a complete freak and have her be my plan B. It worked out that one of the office people came and sat with Nathan while I took the half naked gorilla to be x-rayed.

The guy put a little pelt like lead belt on her that was sagging off her hips. Maybe he needed to brush up on his anatomy but Im not sure….well, Mackenzie, if you can’t have kids or have radiated eggs its his fault. I tried. “Now, you’re going to want her to face the board, have her chest centered on this line, and have her pressed up against it and keep her shoulders and arms raised and have her looking forward and hold real still. [rev up the loud machine]“… [shouting from behind the wall]“OK, YOU’RE GOING TO NEED TO HOLD BOTH ARMS WITH ONE HAND AND GET HER A LITTLE MORE CENTERED TO THE LEFT AND SHE NEEDS TO FACE FORWARD, CAN YOU DISTRACT HER AND GET HER TO LOOK FORWARD? HER ARMS NEED TO BE UP, WAIT YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE FRAME, CAN YOU HOLD HER ARMS WITH THE ONE HAND AND HOLD HER BUTT WITH YOUR OTHER HAND BUT MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT IN THE FRAME?” Yes. Or maybe you could ask me to solve some of those complex derivatives instead because surely, my likelihood of success would be infinitely higher. Well, after radiating both myself and my daughter with multiple attempts to get 2 clear x-rays we “succeeded.”

Back to the dr. where the result was: amoxicillin or zithromax? Thankfully (thankfully) we avoided any major issues and are not ending up in the ER/ICU.

So, that is the story of why I want to live in a glass bubble. Because right now way too much of my time is spent in the germy clinic. And way too many family members have pneumonia.

Definitely on the mend

Also, he had an ENT appt scheduled for today (for his CHRONIC congestion that allergy medicine is not fixing) that I really didn’t want to have to cancel since it took us 3 weeks to get this appt. It worked out fine for Nathan to go down there and I think he liked getting out of bed for a bit. I won’t get into the details but we were discussing ear tubes and I asked the dr. what that would mean for swimming….ear plugs? I was surprised to hear that swimming in chlorinated pools would be fine- no big deal. That swimming in the ocean would be fine, no big deal. The only thing he wouldn’t be allowed to do is lay down in the bathtub. Because, get this, the bathtub is teeming with bacteria…far more than a pool or the ocean. That pretty much makes me want to pour a cup of bleach in with their bathwater. Gah….Mackenzie is ALWAYS drinking the bathwater. Gross.

I’ve never had any experience in being hospitalized aside from having babies. Having to be there because something bad is going on is foreign to me. Watching my baby being wheeled on that big bed up to the ICU was sort of surreal….how real and how serious the situation was. This wasn’t a typical ER visit where they send us home with a bag of meds. We weren’t going to be leaving.

We had some neighbors/friends watch Mackenzie today until Nathan got settled and then this afternoon PC and I started tag-teaming. I’ve been there all afternoon/evening and now PC has the night shift. For any of you who have done this before you know how exhausting it is to stand watch. Nathan would sort of drift in and out of sleep, would get big tears in his eyes, lip quivering, and tell me he wanted to just go home. I went to the BX and bought the only transformer they had. I was prepared to buy 50 of them if they had them– anything that I thought would make what he was going thru any easier. As a parent it doesn’t seem like you should have to ask…or expect your child to be brave. To have an IV, to have blood drawn, to drink the dye for the CT scan, to have all sorts of tubes and wires and machines attached to them. You try and protect as best you can from pain and hurt and to know it has to be inflicted on them is just….hard. Hard because you are completely helpless. I remember being sick as a kid and every single time my mom would tell me “I’d take it for you if I could.” I completely understand it now. Nathan- I wish I could take this for you.

Im home now, I just put Mackenzie to bed. Im here in our house all alone, missing half of what is important to me. Sitting on the couch knowing my baby is so sick and he’s all I can think about. His pillow is still on the couch from this morning. The heating pad on the floor. The heating pad I insisted would make his tummy feel better and it didnt….it didn’t because he is sicker than what a heating pad could fix and I thought he was overreacting. I thought he was just being dramatic. And now I feel terrible.

He’s all weak and lethargic and every time he eats he throws up. Its so so hard to see him like this. Its been a long day and I just need to try and mellow out about it. Sitting here beating myself up about it isn’t going to make it any better. Tomorrow will surely be an equally long day. Please say a prayer for my sweet boy.

It just so happens that my dr. is “gone on a mission.” When I heard that I sort of had to laugh because….really? My dr. doesn’t seem like the “mission” type. Alas, they told me to go to family practice for the day where they could see me. The dr. had his diploma on the wall where he finished medical school in TWO THOUSAND SIX. Yes, Im officially getting old. Anyway, he told me he could either a) give me antibiotics or, if I didn’t want to go that route b) sudafed, saline spray, saline rinse, cough syrup with codeine and one other pill- I don’t remember. I told him I want to be on the FEEL BETTER SOON program. He told me we’d then “attack it from all angles.” I left the pharmacy with a shopping bag of meds. Most importantly- the (ammox) ‘cillin.

The day drug on in misery. Nathan took a long nap on the couch, Mackenzie didn’t so I tried to keep her busy upstairs until she’d reached maximum fun up there. PC came home, I went to work, when I got home Nathan was bubbly and happy as a clam. Then he started to go downhill a bit. Because he took a 3hr nap he hung out with us for a bit, with his barf bowl, watching Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution (we were able to download it Jess). At 8:30 he told us he was ready for bed. 20 minutes later he told us “he couldn’t handle his sleep because he felt so sick.” That quickly turned into this full blown panic-attack style can’t breathe, dry-heaving retching, non-barf barf ordeal, him freaking out and us deciding that it was time to head to the hospital. Because Im still feeling like relative ass PC opted to take him. This was at 9pm and I knew best case scenario it would be midnight before they got home. Ugh.

Im not sure what time they got home, it was definitely after midnight. Basically with no information, a glug of Motrin, Tylenol and anti-nasuea medicine. This morning I hear the same panic attack breathing shuffling into our room. I brought him downstairs where he just started crying inconsolably in pain. I poured some Motrin down his gullet, got the heating pad- nothin’. Curled in a ball, inconsolable. Oh Lord, here’s the part where I even admit that I started singing to him–in my 5am scratchy, nasally, congested voice. It was bad, but I guess it kept his attention.

I told PC we needed to go back. We weren’t going to sit around while Nathan writhes in pain all day (all while IM the only one here to take care of him, myself and Mackenzie). And let me just say how much it puts my mind at ease to have PC do the ER (you may recall he took Mackenzie right before we left for Singapore and her ear exploded). One of the things I love about him is his ability to stay calm and do what needs to be done. I think it makes me feel safe (?) secure (?) that whatever life throws at us I know that while Im FREAKING OUT and panicking, he’ll stay calm and keep it together and that in turn, calms me down. Mostly.

I’ll admit that Im pretty good at dealing with sick in general (this does not include vomit, OBV). Determining fevers and quelling aches and pains and doling out the correct kinds of medicine and getting popsicles and turning on movies and tickling feet/legs while loafed out on the couch. I am NOT, however, good at dealing with *emergency* type scenarios. Like when Nathan fell off his toy plane into the subwoofer and appeared to bite through his entire bottom lip, blood everywhere. What did I do? “I THINK WE NEED AN AMBULANCE.” Or this morning when Nathan was screaming in pain? “PC–WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING. Maybe I should call my parents?” Which, while my parents are medical professionals, Im not exactly sure what it is I think they are going to do on the other side of the planet. Look at his tonsils on the webcam? Probably just calm me down. Gah…..this parenting thing is so scary sometimes and in this scenarios I feel so ill prepared and helpless. My first reaction is to panic. It gets me real far. To my credit though, PC and I are a good yin and yang because there are times where he is a little too laid back about things that require a bit more freak out so, we balance.

I vaguely remember last night PC mentioning something about how they think it might be strep (I guess strep can produce a appendicitis like stomach ache) but they we’re out of rapid strep tests (could it be strep? YEP). Oh bloody hell. So, you know the drill- wait 24hrs for the culture to come back. Well, Im pretty sure we won’t be waiting another day and a half while Nathan screams in pain. So, as miserable as it is, lets hope that yep- it is strep, rather than us continuing to have to play this guessing game, all while I freak out.

**update** Nathan is getting an IV put in and having a CAT scan done to check for appendicitis. Wheeew….deep breath. Do you want the address of where to send flowers?

PS- You know what else is really nice? Not having to worry about having to pay for this or if insurance will cover it or getting pre-approval BS. You know, because we have FREE HEALTH CARE.

PC stuck around until lunchtime to help ease the burden and even came home around 4pm but man, 11-4 was the longest 5 hours ever. As I noted the other day Mackenzie goes a little nutty if we don’t get out of the house. We run through all her toys and tricks and then we need a change of scenery- so, imagine how thrilled she was to be home all day today. In addition to that Im frantically spraying everything with Clorox spray, telling Nathan not to touch any of her toys hoping and praying Mackenzie doesn’t catch it. There were several times where I felt like my efforts were so futile….if she gets sick she gets sick. Thats what happens in families, right? But the other part of me was thinking must. prevent. further. spread. of. the pukes. So yeah, keep Mackenzie happy, keeping Nathan comfortable, keeping germs at bay, and keeping the two kids from sharing water bottles or snacks or whatever other way they could come up with to swap spit made for an exhausting day. Its 7:19 and I’m ready for bed.

Im going to keep Nathan home from school tomorrow to ensure everything has ‘cleared his system’ so-to-speak. You know- because I try to be one of the responsible parents and am not dumping my kid off at school while he’s still contagious and getting everyone else sick.

Unfortunately PC has to work all weekend so, its going to be just me and the kids. Im so glad Nathan is feeling better. I really hope Mackenzie, PC and I don’t get it and lets pray its a long long time before the next stomach bug hits. Now I think I need to start gearing up for a tonsillectomy.

I actually thought I felt better today than yesterday so I took Nathan to school, tackled some projects around here while Mackenzie napped, went into work, got the mail, ran to a store out in town and then asked PC if he wanted to pick Nathan up from school so we could all meet for lunch. So he did. Im not sure what kid he picked up, but other than the fact that he answered to the name “Nathan” I wasn’t sure he was ours. He was nothing like the happy kid I dropped off this morning. You might as well have told him the world was ending because thats how he reacted to the fact that we weren’t having chicken nuggets for lunch. Everything went downhill from there. PC left to go back to work, Nathan went barreling out the door after him. I figured he was just out on our sidewalk until two (count them TWO) neighbors came over to tell me my kid was wandering down the street. I leave Mackenzie playing on the floor, run outside after Nathan where he proceeds to throw a fit and I carry him (all 47lbs and what 48″? of him) and he’s kicking and thrashing the whole way. I get back to the house where I find my daughter about to escape through the front door. And then, because things weren’t going swimmingly enough Nathan proceeds to kick his sister and then intentionally pushed the baby gate over on top of her. If I wasn’t mad before, that sent me over the edge. My throat hurts to talk, so yelling was really fun but we had some words before I sent Nathan to his room. He, screaming and slobbering all over the stairs told me he wasn’t going up. I picked up the screaming baby and told him he better get to his room NOW because I was so angry with him that I was ready to slap him. No, wait, the parent acting inappropriately?- it gets better.

I walked away to collect myself, call PC and let him know that the situation is continuing to escalate, so today would *not* be a good day to work late. Mackenzie went down for her afternoon nap, the clinic called to let me know that yes, in fact the strep test was positive but, the dr. was sort of busy so he probably wouldn’t get around to putting in the Rx until just before the pharmacy closes. Thanks beyotch.

Once Mackenzie woke up there was some fighting over a bottle of water. You know- those little Nursery water bottles of water? Oh right, you probably don’t feed those to your kids because you have fluoride in your water. My kids drink Nursery water and Nathan gets a little bottle in his lunch. Nathan, because he was being such a great big brother today decided to tease her every which way so finally I just went and got another bottle for her. Then he was upset because hers was newer. Same bottle. Same size. One slightly newer. So he goes and helps himself to another bottle and was about to open the cap when I snatched it. I explained to him that we already waste enough of these as it is. He was going to finish the first bottle before he had a second. He proceeds to act like a little stink, so I put the new bottle far back on the counter. He goes in, gets the step ladder, and in an act of pure defiance opens the bottle pulls up the top and takes a sip. I grab it from him, tip it over and squirt the entire thing on his head. Yep- and here I am admitting it to the entire internet. Im sure my mother is cringing a little.

I had officially reached the end of my rope. It was a bad afternoon and the fact that I felt like crap just made everything worse. Am I proud of the way I acted? No. Regrettable? Yes. Did I walk into the kitchen and start laughing after I did it? Absolutely. PC asked what the straw breaking the camels back was and I think that was it. When things start to get too dicey around here I tend to pull the EJECT lever and get us the hell out of the house. I don’t care where we go- we can just go put gas in the car, but the bottom line is must. exit. house. now. So we went to the shopette in search of slushies and a movie. We got to the counter and both Nathan and I set down our grape slushies. And, this was the one damn time he didn’t chew the straw up and I had no idea whose was whose. On a day that I didn’t have colony of bacteria residing in the back of my throat this wouldn’t be a big deal. Mackenzie is flinging herself forward in a futile effort to be put down so she can crawl. Hot, sweaty (fever?) and annoyed; I ask the lady if she can please just charge me for a THIRD DAMN SLURPEE so I can go get a fresh, uninfected one and leave. Deep breath.

I drove home, left the kids in front of the house in the car and called the pharmacy to see if the Rx was in. It was, so we headed to the clinic, waited the standard 30 minutes and headed home. By this time it was 4:30 and I was ready to feed these dudes and put them to bed. On days like today meals go to the lowest common denominator and since we had subway for lunch we ended up with breakfast for dinner.

A quick search landed us on this recipe and ho, it. was. good. I mean, you know its going to be a good waffle when the butter in the batter starts sizzling out and pools on the side of the waffle iron. And normally we don’t eat like this. Normally I’d modify the fat content in a recipe like this. But today? Today I said: Only 6 Tablespoons of butter? Why not make it a whole STICK. Because thats the kind of DAY ITS BEEN.