This afternoon was not one of our better days. The straw that broke the camel’s back was catching Nathan stand on my laptop (it survived). That was followed by an entire batch of burnt pancakes for dinner (“mom whats for dinner?” me: “burnt pancakes” Nathan: “but I don’t want burnt ones.” me: “…sorry?”), me hitting the batter bowl and flinging a wisk along with a splatter of batter all over the floor etc.

This was also coinciding with a brewing lovers quarrel between the Captain and I. Here we go with airing out our dirty laundry. PC and I have really only one thing that brews a squabble. Some people fight about money or sex or family. Ours is time communication. We’ve been together for 14 years and it’s the same old thing every time. This morning he told me he thought he’d be home early. Early to me means anytime before 6pm. I called him late this afternoon (4:00 to be exact) and he said he would be home at 5:15. 5:15 came and went and PC rolled in at about 6:04. To be clear, what I find upsetting is not the actual time that he gets home- I know there are times has to work late. Its the total breakdown in communication….there was no update to let me know that 5:15 was not his ETA. So, here Im wondering where the heck he is, batter is flying all over the kitchen, my brand new laptop is getting trampled on and I just totally loose it. Im sobbing in the kitchen and as soon as I see him drive up I high fived it and told him to enjoy the burnt pancakes with the kids. I’m done for the day. Or better yet- could someone just fire me?

A few minutes later PC came up (well aware that he…oh whats the politically correct way to say this….whatever- he knew he was wrong) and let me know that Karma got even, he deserved this, and I might thoroughly enjoy what he was dealing with downstairs. Behold, exhibit A:

The identities of certain individuals have been disguised in this picture

Folks- its not food. Let me repeat: the substance streaming down her seat onto the chair is not dinner. Im guessing it may have been breakfast.

I love that I magically caught this on film

Subsequently Nathan’s play area has been our kitchen table. We’ve had an entire airport terminal set up on our kitchen table for a few weeks (in addition to my sewing machine, other craft stuff and general piles of crap) and finally I’d HAD IT. The airport was relocated upstairs where there is no good place to set it up.

I’ve been looking for some type of play table for Nathan which is sort of part of a bigger problem in that he needs a different room set up, or some ‘bonk beds’ or a playroom, or maybe if we just weren’t smashed into 1100 sq feet of government luxury but, you’ve all heard that story before. Anyway- I read that FedEx now does this SmartShip thing where they will ship to APOs? Suspicious but willing to try it out I thought I’d peruse some furniture. Something playtable like. Target had nothing. Pottery Barn had one I was sort of ‘meh’ about and Land of Nod had one on sale- but we’re all out of the taller sized legs. So, I conversed with Santa and we decided on this one. I clicked the “purchase” button, closed one eye and hoped. Fully expecting to get some big red error message saying “this item cannot be shipped to an APO.” Instead I saw the “total” and thought ’surely there must be a mistake.’ No, no mistake, the shipping was $175. Almost as much as the table itself. PC said I should call and ask about it, and I asked him “so if it is right- its really $175- then what?”

“Ugh…then we’re not buying it. I mean- don’t you think $175 is a lot to spend on shipping? You’re the one who always complains about how much it costs to ship things.”

This is where it gets good. “Yes, I do think that that is a ton of money to spend on shipping but….[big sigh] I’ve tried to find something over here and there is no furniture over here and no one will ship things over here and Im frustrated with living over here and not being able to get anything and we were only supposed to be here for 3 years and now our kids need some furniture in their rooms because they are older and I can’t buy anything here and the furniture store on base has nothing and I don’t want to buy cheap cardboard furniture and we get COLA I mean isn’t this what COLA is for? and Im tired of Nathan playing on the kitchen table and he needs to have some place to play……” And before I could even finish my speech PC tells me “you know, why don’t you just go ahead and get it.” I love that man. He is so good to me and must have decided this wasn’t a battle worth fighting. Can we cue some Christmas music?- Santa’s sleigh better deliver this bad boy before Christmas.

*The kicker in all of this– I didn’t even get to try out FedEx SmartShip. Dang.

*Also- I know my mom will have something to say about this (“you spent how much?”) And to that I say mom, I needed this. I need this for my mental health because Im going a little nutty and we’re tired of eating dinner at the coffee table because the kitchen table is filled with so much CRAP. Ok, we don’t really eat at the coffee table but just consider it a SPLURGE.

Try not to be too jealous of the government seafoam tile. I know its hard, but try.

One of the things I got to come home to was my new espresso maker- there was an ‘oops we forgot to ship it’ snafu so it wasn’t here before I left.. You may recall that it was my anniversary present this year. PC did a great job of not only setting it up but making it a whole little coffee bar complete with jars for beans, shelves, 10 lbs of coffee (literally), and now its fully complete because my syrups arrived in the mail today. Trying to get coffee syrup shipped here? Nightmare. Trust me when I say $90 for 5 bottles of syrup was a bargain. Its kind of like being 5 again and playing house. Except Im 30 and get to play barista (now I just need to improve my barista skills.) Maybe I could start selling coffee out of my kitchen window.